Letting Go. . .

I’m tired. Of waiting and feeling as if the world is about to end as I sit here and watch you find somebody new.     I can’t pretend that I will be ok when you finally found someone else, I won’t. I will ache all over. You’ll kill me again when you finally learn to move on, it will be the end of our world when you find someone new.     I said I love you. I said I am going to wait and maybe I will, maybe deep within my heart I still have that inch of hope that you and I are meant to be, despite the fact that you’re not who you were to me anymore. And I think that is the reason why I am letting you go. Again, not because I stopped loving you but cause you did, you stopped loving me. And though I am not giving up on us even though in the first test of faith you failed me. I love you much more than you’ll know, much more than any of us could understand. So I will try to understand all your weird and mean behavior lately. I love you, along with all your flaws and shortcomings. I just love you. And I don’t even know why anymore.But I am going to try damn hard to let go of my love for you for its making me crazy, it’s draining all the happiness in me, it’s killing the joyful and positive girl that I was before you left me and all that’s left was this broken hearted girl, with shattered dreams and hopeless love. You are my everything, my life and my love. That is why I have to let g o and love you less and maybe someday to not love you anymore, so I can call my life my own again, so I can make my heart beat for me, not for you. So I can dream of better things for me and for my loved ones not just so I could be where you are. I have to leave you and all my love for you and be happy with just myself. I can’t depend on you. You’re too weak to depend on.     I am stronger now. I know my worth, my dear. And though I am willing to let go of that, of myself and of everything that I have for your love, for our life together, if you’re only strong enough, if you’re only brave to stand for us too. But you’re not. You don't care about anyone else but yourself. I’ll be here. But maybe just as a friend. Just show me you love me and you’ll have all of me in return.                          

                                                                        (11-27-2005)