Random Thoughts

Sabado, Hulyo 16, 2011

N.B.S.B No Boyfriend since Birth.

This phrase used to really pull me down, especially when I reached college.  At first, it wasn’t a big deal. But as I saw my friends beginning to date one by one, until almost all of them had boyfriends already and it was only me left without a special someone, I became alarmed. /omg

I had a friend who already had five boyfriends but I didn’t have any yet, not even one. Those who didn’t date yet at least already had guys admiring them.
Then I noticed that, everywhere I looked, there was always a lovey-dovey couple, holding hands in the canteen, in the classrooms. Even outside the comfort room for girls, there were guys waiting for their girlfriends.
I started to look down on myself. I looked at myself in front of a mirror and saw that it wasn’t because I was totally not good-looking… but I wasn’t pretty at all.
And I didn’t have the body. Who would ever appreciate me? I told myself, if I were a guy, I myself would never give a second look at the girl that I was looking at.
It was really depressing. Why did I have to look the way I did? Why did God choose this body to be mine? And why didn’t have the money to be in a parlor every day, or buy new clothes every so often. 
I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I wanted to stay somewhere where I can be invisible or at least, alone. A place where no one could see me. I thought of the chapel. But, I thought, what could God do for me since He was the one who gave me this body in the first place? I believed, it was impossible for God to change my physical appearance. This was how I looked and I’d look this way until I got really old.
But even though I had doubts about what prayer could do, I still tried. I knew what my heart’s desire was and that was what I told God... :D

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