Random Thoughts

Huwebes, Setyembre 22, 2011

j u s t . r a n d o m . t h o u g h t s .

"This is for every time you built me up just to make me cry. This is for all those things you said that turned out to be a lie. This is for every day I spent alone and I couldn’t get out of bed. This is for every night I couldn’t sleep because you were in my head. This is for every promise you made and then later on you broke. This is for all the lies behind every word you spoke. This is for every time you brought me down and made me feel like dirt. This is for the way I feel every time I see you with her. This is for all this time I kept my stupid dream. This is for all the signs I knew I should have seen. This is for missing you every time I’m having fun. This is for loving you, despite everything you’ve done."

"I've been here all along just waiting, waiting for you to notice, waiting for you to care. Waiting for you to say that you've been waiting too, and you haven't and maybe you never will or maybe you're afraid to. But it all hurts the same, and in the end, I'm the one that's left broken and when I lay down to sleep, I'm still the one crying, so screw the bad timing. I've loved you then, like I love you now, like I probably always will."

"I'm not even upset, hurt, or angry anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tired of putting in more effort than I receive. I'm tired of holding on for nothing. I'm tired of believing all your lies. I'm tired of proving me wrong every time. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed again."

"I am so ready to let go, just move on, and be happy. But there is always this little shred of... well maybe he'll want me tomorrow. You know?"

"She kept saying she'd move on, but she knew in her heart she would never forget him. He was cemented to her heart. No matter how near or how far apart they were. She was in it forever, even if he could never be hers again. She was still so desperately in love with him, stuck to him like glue."

"You know what I think we are most afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether it’s all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting. Not knowing why you do the things you do; not knowing the purpose. It’s like when you’re little and you touch the stove and get burned, because you didn’t really know that it was hot. Not knowing has always hurt us, from the very beginning."

"I felt something catch in my throat, a sudden surge of sadness that caught me unaware. It almost managed to take my breath away. That was the thing; you never get used to it. You never get used to the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think It's okay, and you think you've accepted it, someone points it out to you, and it hits you all over again, and it's just as shocking as the first time."

"My four walls came down that day. It was a horrible awakening. I learned the meaning of the word hate. I understood what it is like to lose the only thing that ever mattered to me. Simply because I didn’t mattered to him much at all."

"We all have that boy. That boy who you're completely over, but you still think about before you sleep. That boy who you avoid talking to, but still wish he would text you just once. That boy who you have to make yourself not think about, but always wonder if he is thinking about you."

"It’s not the broken heart that keeps you going back. Oh no, It’s the days that have gone by and you just want him by your side. It’s how when something funny happens, you want to tell him, just to see his smile one last time. But he's not there and you can't change that. No matter how many tears you seem to cry, no matter how hard you try, he's not coming back. So it’s time to grab that suitcase and leave. Just to get out of this place and out of this town. Because if he's not coming; then you're not staying here. Not even if it means breaking something new; because even though it’s not everything, it’s still something bigger than you're used to. But it’s not your fault. It’s his. He left, he said goodbye. You can show him the truth and show him where to stick it. Because even though it doesn't seem like it, this made you stronger, this made you be more of yourself. and nothing can replace that."

"It sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through old photos, old text messages, and even old statuses. And it brings a smile to your face, but then the hurt comes back and you know you shouldn’t be looking back, but you can’t help it because they really meant something to you and you thought it would have lasted. But it didn't."

"I tried so hard to dig myself out but I was in too big of a hole to escape. The funny thing is, it's like you always kind of know that you're getting yourself into something that will end badly. There's always this instinctive gut-feeling telling you to stop now, save yourself before you fall too far in to make it out alive. But you never listen. We never listen. We're too content with the way things are going, convinced that everything is finally turning out right and happily ever after is just around the corner. But it's not. It's that belief; that's how we get stuck, broken, alone."

"She knew she had to be cautious, when speaking to him again, for she had her heart on the line. And with simply one wrong move, she could surely find herself falling for that boy all over again."

"At first you think it’s great you’re talking to him again, but then you start talking about things that happened before, bringing back old memories, and then you realize how much you really miss him and you get to thinking you really want him back, but you remember he doesn’t need you like you need him, and it hurts."

"I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. When you’re hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there’s those moments we have every now and then where we just stop, and we get this feeling, that can’t be described, but you just.. You just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear. I need more of those moments.."

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