In Love vs. Broken Hearted

I was humming songs, having sleepless nights with a smile on my face, I can’t eat, I can’t function well for I am reminded of his wonderful ways. I can’t do anything without a smile on my face. I stare into nothingness with a silly grin for he’s on my mind. I stopped watching movies, for nothing seems more interesting anymore than the one who painted the smile on my face. I started listening to mushy music. I became excited for the future, I was hopeful and joyful and everything is moving in perfect grace. Everything I see is beautiful. Everything I hear is a sweet melody. My heart was leaping and I feel rather so alive. :D I laughed harder. I loved so much more. And I lived a happier life. And he was all I know.

I’m still sleepless, I still can’t eat, I still can’t function well but the only difference is that tears are in my eyes, my heart is broken and my mind is filled with just memories of a once happy life.

Still sleepless, only instead of smile, my tears can’t seem to stop pouring. I can’t eat for I can’t stop wondering what went wrong. And the memories just came crashing in every time that would make me stare into nothingness with so many questions in my head. I stopped watching movies, coz they all have happy endings and right now I don’t. My music is back to sad songs and the world seems so lonely and gray. And I still have hope, and I am not afraid of the future yet but I kept looking back, but I’ve never been more lonesome than what I am now. I hear screaming pain, my heart is breaking every single time and I feel like dying now that he’s gone. But up to know, I am still living in his memories. Up to know, he’s all I know.

*And my worst fear is… I think in my battle between being IN LOVE and being BROKEN HEARTED… is that the second one will win again*

I’m drowning in all these words and feelings I want to say to you and feel for you. Swimming in all the memories we had. Do you have any idea how hard it is not to talk to you every day? When you’re the only person I want to tell everything to… The only one I want to share my every little thing to.

How do you do it? How can you just stop talking and stop caring just like that? How can you easily forget? How do you move on so fast?

(Apparently you’re very good at it… Coz you never said anything, not one word to me. You never reached out nor check if I was doing fine…) *sighs*

You mean so much to me, that’s why I always try to understand why you just left without a word and decided you’re better off without me. I love you so much; my heart trusts your every decision. But I can’t stop my mind from asking…

     Do I mean that little to you? Didn't you love me too?